Mid-April 2020, yes, I’m still here!

A lot can happen in 7 ½ months. And a lot has changed in 7 ½ months. Warning! This is quite long!

Not going to lie, I considered closing this site. Or at least archiving it and never looking back. Instead I simply ignored it. I don’t even know if anyone will still read this, but I have a feeling maybe there is. I need to write out these thoughts though.

I think it’ll be easier to start with somethings I’m not doing at the moment. I am not in school. I am not working with a personal trainer. I am not working too hard on losing weight. I have closed and ended some relationships.

I am social distancing in hopes to help with the COVID-19 pandemic. I am working from home most days. I am actively paying down debt. I downsized and moved. I’ve cut back on things. I am the missions coordinator at my church and leading the livestream of our services (not in the current situation, but usually. Other people are doing that for now).

My dad died on December 26. He basically got an infection that his body wasn’t strong enough to fight. The few years of Progressive MS took so much from him – physically and in personality ways. The nurse told us on the 22^nd that he didn’t have long. That side of the family always spends Christmas Eve together, usually at my aunt’s. We gathered at mom & dad’s this year. Dad slept but we were all together. I was at work on the 26^th and got word that time was really short. My brother and I weren’t there when he passed, but that was best for mom. She would have been too concerned about us to process it for herself. I said my goodbye to him on Christmas Eve. We had arranged the cremation a few weeks before because we knew it wouldn’t be much longer but had no idea it would come that quick. Dad didn’t even know we did that. We had a memorial for him in early February and so many people came. A lot of his coworkers, friends, and family of course. The outpouring of love and support we received was overwhelming, but in a good way. I don’t want people, myself included, to remember him by his last few years.

Ugh, that was hard to write, but so good to finally share. When I first wrote this (long) entry I had totally forgotten that I hadn’t blogged about Dad yet. I don’t think that’s was an awful thing, I didn’t forget out of lack of effect it had. It just is what it is. I’ll write more about it in a later entry, just proofreading this brought back so much more I want to share!

On to other updates…

I was in one Master’s degree program and quit. Started another but dropped out. My heart wasn’t in either even though I really thought it would be. However, I don’t need a Master’s degree to be a missionary or for my current job, and I certainly don’t need any more student loan debt. Choosing to not be enrolled has turned my budget on its head because the loans are due. The money that was coming in that was helping me barely stay in the black, is now going out. Therefore, prompting the cutting back of things. I downsized to a smaller apartment not too far from my last one. I probably mentioned that the last time I wrote last August.

I also have to take a break from my personal trainer. That’s not a relationship I wanted to end, or pause. We still text occasionally and I intend on starting back when the finances are there.

I have separated myself from other relationship though. Not that the people were bad or anything. I know there are hurt feelings, but I’ve been fortifying boundaries in my life and some relationships were not healthy for me or them anymore. Those boundaries simply lead to different paths. I no longer wanted people not encouraging and challenging me in areas I feel God is developing in me. I mean challenging in a healthy way is welcomed, but constant questioning and dismissing my convictions isn’t healthy. I simply drew weary of having to constantly defend myself and make excuses to myself for THEIR behavior.

Blah, as I say all that I see other relationships that I need to challenge as well. Please don’t get me wrong. Wanting the best for me and guiding me in Godly decisions are good and healthy things, although not always comfortable. Nit-picky and judgmental opinions need to stay on the other side of the boundaries, even if it means ending a “friendship.”

In other news: I’ve been having sciatic pain. Starts in my hip and goes down my leg and has given me a limp with a weak leg. Walking gives me trouble, especially in the stores. Sitting around in the shelter in place situation has not helped. I’ve done physical therapy, massage, chiropractor, and stretches. I’ve had 3 steroid injections at L5-S1 that did nothing, so I got an injection at my SI joint. That helped a little for a short time, but now it’s bad again. I don’t know the next step; it might be another injection, or it could lead to surgery. In meantime, I take pain killers in order to sleep and get mad at myself for not moving enough. One other thing I did that did help with general pain was cut back on sugar. I was doing really good in February and OK when I went on a trip (more details in a moment), but late March-mid April has been really bad. I am taking steps to right that, but in the midst of pandemic, I comfort eat a lot.

Weight loss hasn’t been a high priority. With all of the things going on, mentioned here and not mentioned yet, I’m happy just not gaining a lot.

I’m not worried about COVID-19. God’s got me and whatever happens I will still follow Him. The worst that could happen is I could die, but then I’m with God eternally, so that’s really not the worst thing. These are uncertain times and it’s natural to have stress. That was not a suicidal thought there! I have experienced those in the past and know the difference. I’m not going to go to a hospital and get the disease on purpose or anything like that. I’m just not worried in general. I am weary of the negativity and harshness on social media, but that’s a whole different topic for a different time.

Anyway, I went to Malawi, Africa in March. We left at the beginning of the pandemic and heard while we were there that we might have trouble getting back home. Besides getting sick for 4-5 days (out of 10!!), it was a wonderful trip, nonetheless. We worked with an agency called When the Saints who work to end sex trafficking and abuse. Saw hundreds make the decision to follow Christ. They have ministry teams all over discipling these new believers, which is wonderful. Jesus said to make disciples, not converts. We hung out with staff and a bunch of the girls they’ve brought into their safe home. Girls as young as 4 who’ve been abused, scared, traumatized, sick, and unloved. However, now with the love of Jesus in their lives being in a safe and caring environment, they play and giggle and get to be little girls. So sweet, after you are heartbroken! The ministry is also actively reaching out to the men, and families, in the area to educate them and tell them about God. They do so much, it’s hard to give a short summary! Google them for more info.

Alright, I think I’ve covered A LOT of the basics. Even if I haven’t, this is too long already!

Take care everyone! More to come soon 🙂

Late August 2019

It has been a crazy month+ since I posted last!

I moved on August 10th. A little over a mile north of where I was, smaller place but also a smaller rent. It’s really not that much smaller though. It’s cute and I’m happy. Poor kitties didn’t enjoy moving day, they were hiding under bed frozen in fear 😦 but they seem to be getting pretty comfortable in the new place. Actually met and talked with a couple of neighbors. Who does that anymore, right? They seem cool though. I have felt like I’ve been living in a hotel for a couple weeks though. Living out of boxes isn’t fun, but it’s coming along. Hoping to take advantage of the long weekend and get a lot more unpacked.

In other news, I’m going back to school. I know, crazy right? This is a different setup compared to the other program I just left. This is with Fuller Theological Seminary, totally online. The area of study is Intercultural Studies and I’m taking this interest in Global Arts and World Religions. So, multi-cultural/missions plus art. It wasn’t much of debate on if I would enjoy the subject matter. The other program was cohort based and a 2 year program. This one is at my own pace. I have 10 years to complete it, if I go that far. I have an adviser assigned to me and she and I will discuss my goals and current schedule to see what classes I should take and when. She’s with through my entire career there too. The classes are in 10-week quarters, so a little less intense of a schedule. I’m pretty excited to get started! I meet with the adviser on Sept 9 and classes start at the end of September.

Things are going well at the gym! I’ve passed the 25 pounds lost mark! I started lifting again too, which we’re taking a little slow since the surgery wasn’t that long ago. For the most part I seem to be recovering from that well. I get tired or fatigued pretty fast, but I had some of that before anyway. Just learning to not push myself too much. Not easy!

In the beginning stages of planning a mission trip to Malawi, Africa early next year! More details on that to come soon!

Well, I realized it had been a while since I had written, so I took time out of my lunch break to write this. Now I gotta run! Take care!!

Mid-April 2019

Apologies for the radio silence the past couple months. A lot going on as usual!

My doctor reduced my antidepressant back in late Jan or early Feb. Feb was a good month, I actually started having feelings I didn’t realize I hadn’t in a while and started caring about some things again. Well, this proved to be not so great as I learned to handle some emotions again, but it’ll be for the best in the long-term. Had a couple rough weeks recently though, not sure if it was a mini withdrawal period or I was stuck in a funk. But when I realized what was going on, I kind of snapped out of it.

With actually caring and my metabolism starting to regulate some, I lost 10 pounds and 3 inches off my waist in the month of Feb alone! Gained a few back in March, but already lost those again. I can really feel the increased muscle definition in my legs specifically. Feels good 🙂

Work has been crazy stressful. Too many issues I can’t really go into here for the sake of the company’s privacy and stuff, but a lot of pressure for compliance and budgeting is making people do and say things that aren’t necessarily HR acceptable. And being physically in the epicenter of leadership, you can almost tangibly feel the tension. I was having a hard time leaving work at work (see paragraph above regarding rediscovered emotions). But, I think I’m getting better. I don’t feel quite as drained in the evenings anymore.

The draining was seriously impacting my studies. I just haven’t had the mental energy to study. Currently failing my class and I only have about a week to fix that. I will, I’m sure, just need to spend some time pushing through, this evening especially.

On that … I have big news … I quit the Masters program. Well, I’m at least putting it on hold for now. This will be my last class. I can come back to it in the future and the school has been super supportive of my decision. Simple explanation is that I haven’t had the passion for it in over 6 months. I have tried renewing my desire and drive to see it through, but it’s just not there. I’m was really only staying in out of misplaced obligation and fear of not getting the student loan money. See, I’ve been making ends meet with the additional loan money. It’s a fairly large amount that my budget is short now without it all. I kept hearing God ask me if I was going to trust Him. I’d dismiss it with thinking it was a large amount and I didn’t want to break my commitment to school. Like the large amount of money was an issue for the Creator and Owner of the universe! So, I’m putting my trust in Him and giving up something that really wasn’t giving me peace anymore. I totally do not regret starting the program!! I’ve learned things, but most importantly I met some amazing people.

Where am I going now? I’ve got a couple of ideas, but I’m really excited to see what unseen doors God is opening for me. I am considering going to the community college part-time and photography classes. I’ve already applied and been accepted into their Fine Arts program. Being part-time in school will keep the loans in deferment, so added bonus there. I am also seeking a 2nd job. Just some hours on Saturday afternoons and/or evenings and maybe a little time on Sunday afternoons. I really want to start doing some freelance photography gigs, so I’ll be looking for those as well.

Also, I starting 2 other things. I am going to start volunteering for a local cat rescue called Tenth Life. They focus on kitties with special needs and have an adoption center that is open on the weekends. In the center, it’s set up like a big living room and a bunch of the cats are there to play, snuggle, or just hang out with. They also have about 100 in foster care. I’m hoping to do some photography projects for them, like getting pics of the fosters. The other thing is that I’m now the Missions Coordinator at my church. It’s a new role and we’re still defining it, but I know I’ll oversee/coordinate/promote outreaches locally and worldwide. I’m in contact with one missionary we support in Africa, who rescues girls from the sex trade and stuff. I’ll probably talk about that more at a later time.

Oh, what else??? Looking at different apartments for when my lease ends later this year. Really interested in learning more about the loft district in downtown, which I thought would be totally out of my reach but they’ve come down in price lately. Actually less than what I’m paying now. Just a thought.

Alright, I’m going to pack up my laptop and head home. I’ve been sitting at a coffeehouse working on homework and this blog for a few hours. I need to go before I spend more money!! 🙂

Have a wonderful Easter! Remember to take a look in the tomb. He ain’t there anymore!!

Mid-December 2018

HELLO!

Greetings to the land of the living! Ha! Being in a Master’s degree program can suck the life right out of ya! Oh my! I’ve had tunnel vision on my class recently. I really struggled with this class, not from content but just overwhelmed with everything else going on. OK, all that doesn’t make sense. How can I have tunnel vision on a class but struggle with it because of everything else going on?? Basically it means that if I wasn’t doing homework, I was at least thinking about doing homework. And if I wasn’t doing homework I felt guilty and didn’t do much of anything else because I should have been doing homework. Yeah, I know, confusing to me too. I have a tendency to shut down when I get really overwhelmed. I get to the point where I go through the motions in things that have to be done and everything else doesn’t matter.

I just know that I now have 3 weeks off and really hope to use this time to take a breath before diving back in. Also need to catch up on chores. I haven’t vacuumed in… well… I don’t remember. At least month, if not 2!! Not good when you have 2 shedding kitties running around! Laundry is done enough to keep me decent in public! Ha! Dishes, well, they’re not too far behind, but I’ve been eating out a lot or eating convenience foods. That reminds me I need to cook up some meals and get them in the freezer too. Hm, my time off is seemingly getting busier!!

I have no idea what I’m going to do with myself after I graduate in 2020! All that free time! Who am I kidding, I’ll find plenty of something(s) to do! Even if it means another degree???? I know, crazy, right!?!?

Well, I have every intention of writing a 2018 recap by the end of the month, or early next month. It’s been a crazy year for sure! So keep an eye out for that post real soon!

End of October 2018

It’s been a long time since I’ve written, my apologies. I have been going through a lot and haven’t time or energy to write. I have been dealing with sciatica pain for almost two and half months. It has been getting better, but being in constant pain just drains you. Focusing on work and school has been my priorities.

School’s going OK. Sitting for a long time in one position is difficult so working on papers has been hard. However, I have earned an A and an A- in the first 2 classes, resulting in a 3.85 GPA. Pretty excited about that considering the circumstances.

Work is fine. No real news to report there.

I just got back from a mission trip to Costa Rica. It went really well. There was a team of 7, 4 from Missouri and 3 from Colorado, that met up with a family that deployed there earlier this year. They are actually the family I went to Costa Rica with in 2012. It was amazing to see where God has brought them and what He has done in their lives since we were together last. Everything we had set out to do was accomplished. God did amazing things including holding off some rain and healing people. Many little ones prayed with us to receive Jesus as their Good Shepherd (the theme of our children’s program/VBS). I am hoping to go back soon!

2019’s mission is still looking like Austria, Lord willing. I might go back to CR for a vacation for my birthday, not sure yet (big 4-0 this year!). Also have trips planned to Nashville and Dallas. Then in 2020 I’m hoping for Los Angeles 2 times and Denver 2 times, then another trip TBD.

Oh my! So, if anyone is wondering what to get me for Christmas or my birthday, I take any size in Southwest Airlines gift cards! 😉 lol

All of that while being in school and working! Oh, and the other big change coming…

I’m transferring churches. There’s another church in the same denomination as my current one that’s a lot younger. The pastors have been in ministry for a long time, but their new leadership team is fairly young in the faith. So, I after a lot of prayer I’m going to transfer there and help out. Not sure about an ‘official’ role yet, we’re gonna see where the Lord leads. It’s bittersweet. I’ve been at the 1st church for over 10 years, and with some of the people for 15 or so years. One couple I have never not been in church with for 19 years. There are teens that I have watched grow up. But, I’m also excited to see what God has in store at the new place. New relationships and opportunities to grow and serve. Oh, and bonus, this is only 4 minutes from my home, compared to 30. Bonus – not a reason!

That’s enough excitement for now, right? I hope to get to my pics from the trip in the next day or two and will post some here. Talk to you soon!

 

Beginning Aug 2018

So my last entry was a bit of a rant. And I’ve been made aware that it could be taken out of context from a couple of fronts. My apologies, I haven’t rant-blogged in a while, and maybe shouldn’t have. I’m sure the lady who wrote the article I was referencing is a great person, loved by God. I wish her the best. Also, I wasn’t complaining about being single. I totally believe I’m where God wants me. I am happy, content, and satisfied with my ‘status’.

Anyway, started the Master’s program last week. Spent a week in the Denver area meeting my cohort and professors and some staff from the college. It was great. A bit overwhelming because we sat in lectures from 8am – 5pm for Mon – Thurs and 8am – 1pm on Fri. And each one of the lectures could have been a full class on its own. Didn’t take as good of notes as I wish I had. Oh well. My classmates are awesome, as are the professors. Everyone is so supportive and caring. I look forward to learning more about and from all of them.

One of my biggest takeaways from that week, and even before that actually, is that I have to start saying ‘no’ more often. I asked my therapist to check in with me when I see her, to ask what have I said no to recently. I don’t want to abandon my friends or anything, I just won’t be able to take on new assignments and occasionally will have to decline social events. School is important to me and I’m make a lot of sacrifices to further my education. To what end? I’m not entirely certain of that yet, but I’m excited for God to reveal that to me.

I can say missions is part of the plan though. I want to encourage missionaries on the field, from here and by visiting them. My challenge is to do it in a relevant way and not be a burden on them. That’s one idea I have for my capstone project, research on that subject.

Speaking of missions, the tickets for Costa Rica are purchased!! I’m over half-way to my fundraising goal too 🙂 We have a fairly small group going, but I’m excited to see what God will do with us!

I hope and pray you all have a great August! Hope to write again soon!

Mid-July 2018

So I just read an article that explains why I’m single. Apparently men prefer women who are virgins, have no debt, and have no tattoos. The WOMAN who wrote this was quoting other people who were saying why us older, ‘experienced’, college-graduates won’t get to marry well. And talked about, basically, our purpose is to have babies and cook and learn at the feet of our fathers and husbands. If we spend the time in college and getting married later, we will have wasted time not having as many babies as we could have.

OK, maybe it wasn’t quite that harsh… but that’s how I took it and my anger is still the same.

Ugh, she might as well have thrown the whole overweight issue in the mix.

I might be a feminist, who’s also a Christian. Maybe I scare guys away? That I’m honestly OK with, because if being who I am scares someone away, they weren’t strong enough themselves anyway.

Was that harsh?

But it breaks my heart that there are still people out there who don’t see women as equals to men. My Bible says He made them in His image, male and female (Genesis). My Bible says that there is no male or female in Christ (Galatians). But I guess I’m taking those out of context. Not to mention the Judge, Debra. She was only put in place because no man would step up. Or the home church leaders who Paul addresses in his letters who were women… bad translation of names??

OK, I’m being sarcastic.

I’ve heard the arguments on both sides. People are passionate on both sides, and I’m sure you probably have an opinion yourself.

I am a minister, my senior pastor is a woman, I’ve had professors who are women. I know many women in other leadership positions. Guess what? They all are following where God is leading them! The Holy Spirit hasn’t convicted them for their leadership, where do we get off condemning them???

Oh, and tattoos? That scripture people throw out there from Lamentations is out of context! God didn’t want the Israelites to follow the customs of the Egyptians, who marked their bodies in honor of the dead, expecting things from them. I have a tattoo that a departed friend drew and one of my last cat’s paw print. It would be a problem if I expected to be blessed by my friend or cat for doing that, but I’m not. They’re just in memory of them, nothing else.

Now, I do wish I didn’t have debt, but I have plans in the works to pay those down.

The other thing about virginity… I’m going to leave that one alone for now. I will say things happen that we’re not proud of, but we are new creations in Christ. Forgiven of sins we’ve confessed to Him and repented of.

OK, I now I’ve probably just stirred the pot and hit some buttons. I haven’t said all I want, but enough for now!

PS – I start the Master’s program Monday! Ah!

Mid May 2018

I graduated! I am now an official alumni of Liberty University!

I actually earned an A in the last class that I was struggling in, so my ending GPA is 3.36. Considering I work full time, volunteer part time, and was going to school on top of everything else in life, I’m pretty happy with that GPA, even if it’s not honors. I graduated high school in 1997, so this Bachelor degree was 21 years in the making, whew! Now I get 2 months off and then start the Master’s program on July 23rd.

So, what am I going to do for 2 months, with no school and no church outreaches on Wednesday nights? Well, for right now I am on vacation. I’m with my brother in Virginia at a resort relaxing. It’s so pretty here and we have a few deer in our backyard 🙂 After vacation, back to my full time job, of course. I am also going to work out with my trainer 3 times a week instead of 2. I’m going to take advantage of this down time to take care of myself. I’m also taking “appointments” with friends for girls’ nights out, since I won’t really be available for 2 years during grad school.

I haven’t decided yet if I’ll go for a Doctorate. Seeing some people in Doctorate regalia this weekend was kind of inspiring though! But first Masters, then we’ll decide! Can’t really worry about any of that just yet.

My brother went with me to my graduation, which was super nice of him. We flew in to DCA and drove to Lynchburg/Bedford, VA. On the route the GPS took us through a twisty road through the mountains, which I got the unfortunate task of driving. Did you know it’s rained pretty heavily in VA recently? That causes fallen rock, fallen tree limbs, mud, and, scariest of all, running water on the roads! I thought we were going to die! I’ve probably never been that stressed while driving in my life. Obviously we made it through OK, but my neck and shoulders are still soar from being so tense. Good thing I have a massage scheduled on Tuesday! Oh, and come to find out, if we would’ve just gone down the highway a little longer, we could’ve just taken another highway which would’ve been a lot straighter and safer!! Ugh.

There were over 20,000 people in my graduating class, over 8,000 attended graduation and somewhere around 30-40,000 people were on campus for commencement. After the ceremony we all divided up into our respective colleges and had degree presentations/walked across the stage. There were a lot in my college of Religion and we didn’t stay for the whole thing. I’ll receive my diploma in a few weeks, which will get framed and hung on the wall, of course! Now, what to do with the regalia? Shadow box? Not sure yet.

Below is a picture that some photographer-friends took of me, Pres. Jimmy Carter addressing the graduates, and part of the sea of graduates on the field.

Beginning April 2018

Hello!!

Good news to report! I had an MRI of my brain and c-spine last month and there were no changes! My last one before that was 2 years ago and if I recall correctly there hadn’t been any changes on that one either… so about 4 years and no changes!! Yeah!! The MS isn’t progressing 🙂

All glory to God, of course, I have no real control over any of that. Managing stress and taking care of myself help, but I haven’t been the best at either of those lately, so I’m just going to give honor to God!

5k this weekend! Ready as I’m going to be, I guess. Been training, but not nearly as much as I had planned. A few dumpy days and a hurt back didn’t help. Neither did the weather. Nor the new blister I have on the bottom of my left big toe. But, hey, I’m not going to let any of that stop me. Just don’t expect much from me Saturday evening, I’ll be resting and recuperating!

6 1/2 weeks of school left! You can tell I’m ready for this part to be over, I’m already behind in an assignment! Ugh. Hope to catch up tomorrow night.

Planning a mission trip for late October 🙂 Lord willing, going back to Costa Rica!

Beside all that, not much going on. Well, a lot going on, just not much more to talk about!

Talk to you all again soon, the countdown to graduation continues, and I’ll let you know when I finish that 5k!

Mid-March 2018

I should probably be headed to sleep about now, it is a work night. But I’m in the mood to write and haven’t in a while, so here I am.

I’ve spent the majority of the past 2 months in pain. Physical pain that is. I messed up my back at the gym in January and it has caused or highlighted some other issues back there. Plus I spent most of the last week with a migraine. Yuck.

At the gym I deadlifted 170 pounds, but that didn’t cause the pain. I was putting away a 25 pound weight and picked it up and twisted wrong and could hardly move after. That pain mostly went away, but the pain in my lower back and hips has intensified. I drive a manual transmission car and every time I push in the clutch, pain would shoot down my leg. I can hardly sit at work for very long and have to get up to relieve some pressure. I started seeing a Physical Therapist and things are getting a lot better now. I just have to get on the ball and do the stretching exercises at home!

Not sure if the migraine was brought on by environmental or hormonal triggers or stress. Probably a combination of all the above. This time of year between Winter and Spring can be harsh on sinuses and headaches. My stress isn’t too bad lately, just was dealing with finals.

On Spring Break now. Off this week and then start my last undergraduate class on the 26th. A little nervous about this class, but I’m sure it’ll be fine. I received an approval for my RSVP to the graduation, so all I have to do is pass this class. 2 months left! Then 2 months off, then 2 years of the Masters program. Then I don’t know 🙂

Spiritual lesson of the day… I realized during worship this morning at church that I have been looking for validation from all the wrong places. Be it from my pastor, friends, boss, other leaders I admire, I’ve been stressing about making them proud of me and approve of me that I’ve lost sight of the One that really matters. And I already have His approval and am totally validated by Him through Christ. God is so merciful and loving, yet it’s like I take advantage of His love. People have their own lives to worry about, making me feel good about myself isn’t their job. My value and worth comes from the One who made me and died for me. Yes, being validated by people feels good, don’t get me wrong, but not being validated by them shouldn’t be detrimental.

Then I worry I’m not pleasing to God. Did I pray enough? Read my Bible enough? Give enough money? What about time? Could I have done xyz better? Did I completely mess it up? Oh my goodness! Stop it! God doesn’t have a sticker chart with our names on it, grading us on how well we did everyday!! Oops, she didn’t pray for 30 minutes, only 10, red X for today! Ugh! The Father sees us through the blood of the Lamb and that blood has made us perfect in His sight. Does He want us to do our best? Yes, but it doesn’t make Him love us any more or any less!! Accepting Jesus as Lord and Savior, believing He died and rose again, and confessing Him to others – that is what matters! Everything we do from there is motivated by Love, not fear that He is going to strike us down.

I’m preaching to my self and as much as to you, BTW.

Through Jesus and only through Him, do we find love, acceptance, and validation that truly matters.

Alright, now I think I might be able to sleep, maybe? hopefully!?!?

Good night! ♥