Tag Archive | faith

Late June 2018

Ever been in a place where you feel like there has to be something more to life? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not discounting my faith or doubting my call from God. But sometimes just going through the motions of everyday life gets, well, boring. I have plenty of things to keep me busy, no worries there, I’m just thinking there has to be more that means something. Eternally fulfilling in the day-to-day.

As I write this I can feel the Holy Spirit tugging at my heart. He wants me to listen to Him and talk to Him more. To climb up in the Father’s lap and listen to His heart. Oh that I would slow down and stop busy-ing myself to spend time with Him! Reading His word to learn His heartbeat and see the eternal in everyday things.

I keep having dreams in which I become very bold and evangelistic for Christ. For those who know me personally, you’d probably be surprised to see that come from me. I’m not very verbal with strangers about my faith. I think it’s time for that to change. Just the other day I saw a woman across the restaurant with a hurt leg. Why didn’t I go over and offer to pray for her? I certainly thought about it, but chickened out. What if I had done it? What’s the worst that could happen? She could of rejected me, but she wouldn’t have really been rejecting me but God. She could of welcomed me and gotten saved. What if I missed God on this one by not offering to pray for her? What will I do next time?

One of the reasons the world rejects Christianity is because of Christians. We don’t live what we believe. Yes, we all sin (even though Jesus gave us victory over that and gives us the ability to say no, but that’s another conversation), but I don’t think it’s our sin that makes the world doubt. I think that if we as believers in Christ, really believed He was the only way to Heaven and without Him people go to Hell, why are we not out there trying to tell people with urgency? We have the answer and the way out of the burning building, yet we sit on the curb, watching the flames and people perishing. They see us being casual about it and don’t acknowledge the flames are even there!

But there’s that delicate balance of being evangelistic and being, well, off-putting. We have to know the Lord’s voice and be willing to speak when He says ‘speak’ and go when He says ‘go’. And stop worrying about what people might think of us and worry about where they’re going to spend eternity.

Yet, is it really that easy? Hm. Maybe it should be?

On another note… speaking of going… I’m headed back to Costa Rica in October!! Same people I was with last time, so that’s exciting! If you’re interested in supporting me and my team, each person has to raise $1,500. I have a PayPal account and my email is tammyk777@yahoo.com. Any help will be deeply appreciated! If you’re unable to give at this time and want to be on our prayer team, just email me and let me know!

One final thought… if you’ve read this and don’t know Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior, please, please, seriously consider Him. I would love to chat with you, my email is in the previous paragraph.

Blessings!!

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Beginning of May 2017

The sun is shining! It has been raining so much lately! I’m sure if you’re from the Midwest or know someone from here, you’re probably tired of the rain, and even tired of people taking about the rain! But its nice to have sunshine again. Kind of reminds me of the commonly used illustration where someone is in a plane and sees the sun shining above the clouds, reminding them that the sun is always there. Like life, it may seem stormy down here, but God’s still there even when it seems like we can’t see Him.

Seems like I’ve been going through revolving times of storms and sunshine in my life. My boat gets rocked around and overfilled with water, then the sun comes out. When the sun’s out, I repair the boat and let the sun dry up the water. A lot of times I can see the storm in the distance, other times it sneaks up on me. One thing I’ve been challenged with is to keep my anchor down, even in the still times. Jesus is my anchor in life, and I need to keep my foundation in Him and His Word. Even in still times a boat can drift off its place. I have a goal to increase my worship and devotion time. That kind of leads me to…

Made a hard decision recently. I don’t want to put all our business out there, but Mike and I are officially broken up. I truly feel like God’s calling me to singleness. I’ve been so comfortable with his companionship, that is what has made this a hard thing. But I feel like God has something even better in store for both of us. So yeah, there ya go.

I’m learning (always will, right?!?) who I am. Specifically who I am in Christ. I’m set free from sin, not just in eternity, but He gives me the power to live free NOW. Letting that settle in my heart and head, praying that I become more like Him all the time. I don’t want to be overly religious or legalistic, I just want to be like Jesus. Righteous and loving. Faithful and obeying. In the storm and in the sunshine.

Beginning of November 2016

November, my favorite month! No, my birthday isn’t until January, so that’s not why! I just love the cooler temps, changing leaves, bonfires, Thanksgiving, and getting ready for Christmas!

Been a little difficult lately though. Things are changing so fast around me, especially over the past year or so. It kinda hit me the other day how much I miss my old job, I miss my cat, I miss my house, I miss my dad’s health, and to a certain degree, I miss being single. Just being honest. Can we go back about 2 years and pause things a little so I can enjoy them a little longer?

On top of all that, my grandma (and my last living grandparent) went into hospice last week. She’s 93 and suffering from dementia. And she’s tired. It’s OK, it’s time, but that doesn’t make it easy. In all honesty I basically said good-bye to her a couple of years ago before she got worse. I believe she’s a believer in Jesus Christ, so there’s comfort in that. I get(?) to do her memorial service when the time comes. I’m a licensed minister so I can do that kind of thing. It’ll be my first, assuming nothing else happens before that(!!). I’m a little nervous, but I’ve got good mentors to help me get ready.

Finished my most recent class with a B! Could have, should have, gotten an A, but I slacked off on the final paper. Not a strategy I recommend, but I did really well with the rest of the class and did just enough to get a B when I did the paper. Kids, do your best all the time, don’t do what I did! Into another class (they just keep coming!!) and I’m a little behind already. Having a hard time focusing (see previous 2 paragraphs!).

I’ve been a part of a Bible study recently that has opened my eyes to something. I think Christians live a life of defeat. The enemy has lied so long and so well to us that we don’t know Truth anymore. Did you know you can and should have victory over sin? That the fight we fight is against the evil forces, who are already defeated? That we can pray for people and they can be set free? Or all these truths just cliché to you now and you don’t really believe in the mighty power of the Cross? Of the empty Tomb? Of the all-powerful God on His throne?

This election and all the ramifications thereof, have not and will not take God off His throne. Regardless of who gets into the offices of power over America, God is still in charge. This isn’t taking Him by surprise, can I even go as bold as to say He had a hand in setting up the candidates? That He loves all of them (president, senators, etc.) as much as He loves you? He wants all to come to repentance and trust in His Son, Jesus for Salvation. Ugh, quit cursing those who you oppose! Our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers of the heavenly realm (see Ephesians 6).  This life on Earth is not all there is! The powers of darkness have set up the issues that divide us, don’t attack supporters of those beliefs, pray down the strongholds in the heavenly arena instead!

OK, I’d say I’m sorry for the rant, but I’m not. But thanks for sticking through. I wish I could say things are rainbows and unicorns, but they’re not. Christians need to step up their game and stop letting the enemy win. If you’re not a Christian and reading this, I beg you to ask Jesus to reveal Himself to you so that you’ll put your trust in Him for eternity.

Speaking of prayer, keep praying for favor for me to get the perfect-for-me job. Had a temp assignment in October, but that ended already.  

I’d best get back to that homework I was talking about…

Beginning Oct 2016

Yay! It’s Fall! Well, at least most days. Here in St Louis, it’s supposed to get a little warm again this week, but then drop again. I love this time of year, except the allergies!

Spent last week at my denomination’s district Fall conference. It was so good! We were in Keystone, CO, which was beautiful. The conference was for pastors in the Gateway District of Foursquare. I went to the national/international conference in Hawaii back in May. I love my 4sq family!

So, God spoke to my heart and showed me quite a few things last week. I had this amazing dream (will explain in the next paragraph). I asked Him to see His face and He showed me faces of people in foreign countries and said that was how I would see Him on Earth. A friend of mine received his ordination, and God gave me pictures and words of encouragement for him. God showed me some of the areas He’s moving me into in the near (?) future. Namely becoming a disaster relief chaplain, working more with visual media, and reaching the international people in my city. All such exciting stuff. Not sure how all that fits into my future job (yes, still unemployed!), but can’t wait to see how God works it all out.

The dream… basically everyone on Earth lost their faith. They forgot Who Jesus was and started doing depraved things or simply becoming vegetable-like and just existing. People would worship a god, but didn’t know Who He was. There were 3 of us who still knew Jesus was Lord. And we learned that by speaking the name of Jesus over people or telling them about Jesus, it was like they woke up. They stopped doing the sinful things they were doing, and remembered who Jesus is. Time went by and many were told about Jesus and revival broke out. Unfortunately, over time people started picking and choosing who they would tell and started thinking maybe we had reached enough people. Some still chose not to hear about Jesus because loved ones of theirs had died before hearing the Gospel and they didn’t want to end up in eternity without them.

Wow. Implications? Speak to people about Jesus and they become born again and stop sinning, basically. It’s odd, I’ve been having very evangelistic and spiritual warfare type dreams lately. Ones where I very boldly proclaim Jesus’ name and come against the forces of evil. Honestly, now, I can do those things when I have to, but it’s a little outside my personality/comfort level. But there’s coming a time, and may now be here, when speaking boldly about Jesus and against satan is necessary. Be bold! He is alive and real! The world needs to see His light through us believers, and we need to stop hiding it!

OK, done preaching 🙂 I’m just getting fired up!

In other news, my degree completion plan was slightly modified and now I have another semester to go through. I’ll still graduate in May of 2018 though, just have 2 extra classes to fit in, and 3 that were changed. Still contemplating my Masters, but not sure I want to go that much more into student loan debt. On the other hand, if I stay in school I don’t have to start paying the massive amount back until I’m finished.

Well, I gotta get ready to go to a new doctor. Nothing’s wrong, just that the PCP I had for years is moving out-of-state and I had to find a new one. She’s closer to home, which is nice. Not necessarily looking forward to having to go through my health history, but luckily she’s with the same health care network and should have access to most of my history already. Gotta love technology.

Have a great October, talk to you again soon!

Mid-July 2016

Hi everyone. I know it’s been awhile, but things have been rough.

Let me explain…

So my last day at the plant was June 24th. I spent most of the next couple weeks attempting to get caught up in my homework. Didn’t do too well. Haven’t received my final grade, but right now we’re looking at a D. I think that means I’ll have to retake the class. Which might push graduation out to the middle of 2018 instead of the end of 2017. We’ll see though. I might be able to double up with this class and another since it would be my 2nd attempt and would know the coursework already.

Currently taking Marriage and Family Counseling. So far so good.

I joined a gym and hired a personal trainer. Loving it so far. Down a few pounds and starting to feel stronger. Doing things I never thought I would, which is a good and exciting thing. My trainer is pretty cool too, he lost 100 pounds and is a Christian. So he kinda gets where I’m coming from.

Job searching pretty much sucks. Had 1 interview so far and it just wasn’t a good fit. Got my resume out to a few other places, but no call backs yet. God has something for me, I know, just waiting to see which door opens.

So, here’s the worst news… I had to put my kitty down. Fitz had been suffering from cancer and it was just getting worse. I choose to do it a few days ago before he suffered anymore. He went peacefully and I sobbed. I miss him a lot and still look for him around the apartment. I was able to get a paw print before it happened, so I think I know what my next tattoo will be. But he was y fur-baby and I will miss him and his snuggles.

Not much else going on. Trying to keep busy living off the severance pay.

Beginning of May 2016 #changes

Hi everyone!

So I definitely cannot say that my stress level is much lower (see last post for details).

First off, the place that I have worked at for 15 1/2 years is closing its doors 😦 The economy got the better of us. So I’m still there for a month or two to help selling/ship/inventory everything, but after that I got nothing so far. They are giving us severance packages that will keep me afloat for a while though.

Can’t say I’m all that surprised. Well, yeah I can. We expected a lay-off and probably a big one at that, but not a closure. Part of me is still in shock and numb, part is angry, and believe it or not, part of me is excited. I’m going to miss the place/company/friends from the plant, but I totally believe God has something amazing in store for me (and everyone else for that matter). It’ll be OK. Just have to take it one step at a time.

For now I’m not sure what I want to do or where God’s leading me. Career change? Maybe. Guess time will tell. The state of Missouri will pay for me to go back to school to learn a new trade if I want. Could be interesting, maybe something I could use on the mission field??

Besides that, getting ready to end the Spring semester of 2016 at Liberty. Then starting Summer right away. I’m looking at graduating at the end of 2017 or beginning of 2018.

I’ve been at risk for diabetes for years, and through gaining 30 pounds in a year, I recently crossed over the line to an official diagnoses. 😦 I desperately have to lose weight now. I don’t want to be like this anymore! My cholesterol numbers are really bad too, so the doctor is giving me 3 months to see what I can do with diet and exercise, then we’ll re-test. So I plan to religiously log my calories and walk at least 4 times a week for 30 minutes each. I might even look into joining a gym, like one of the $10/month ones, just so I can walk on a treadmill once the temps get too hot.

I’m leaving for Japan in 15 days! Yep, still going. Tickets and reservations were made well in advance of the closure announcement, so I’m trusting God that He had it all planned out. Which He did, of course! Still need a little more as far as fund-raising goes, so ask if you’re interested in supporting me.  Also room on my prayer team if you’re interested in that!

Well, lunch break is about over. I’ll talk to you all again soon!

Late March 2016 #stress

I am so stressed out right now. Like I know I’d feel better if I could just cry, but I’m dry. In times like this, I should feel more drawn to seek out God. But I’m not. I feel it’s just an obligation to read my bible and pray, but there’s no heart in it.

I’m stressed about my cat, who might have cancer. He had major surgery a couple of days ago and he’s miserable now. And it cost a lot of money. Did I make a mistake in putting him through this?

I’m stressed about the mission trip to Japan. I had money in my savings for it, but spent a lot of it on my kitty. I’m still holding out hope for more donations, but it’s hard to believe it’ll come in.

I’m stressed about the Perspectives class. I’m totally enjoying what we’re learning, but there’s homework that I need to do for it and a project I haven’t even started on.

I’m stressed about my friends that are fighting different diseases. How much it’s costing them and the pain they are in.

I’m stressed about school. I’m supposed to be going, right? I want to be a Christian counselor, don’t I? But am I just spending too much time, energy, and money on the degree?

I’m stressed about my dad. Will his health continue to get worse? What about mine for that matter?

I’m stressed about work. Our market is down and we don’t have a lot of material to run. How long can we go on like this?

I’m stressed about the alarm system at my old house. The company won’t let me out of my contract even though I can’t move the system to my apartment. So I have to continue to pay them until June of 2018.

I’m stressed about the 5k I signed up for in a couple of weeks. I haven’t been able to train very much.

I’m stressed because I never feel like I’m doing things well enough. Could I be doing more in ‘xyz’ area(s) of my life? Should I be doing less?

But… the Lord is still in charge and is working everything out. He has plans for me. Good plans.

Just wish I could hear His voice better. I wish I had a hunger for the Word and not just overwhelming feeling of just having to read it because it’s that ‘right’ thing to do.

Not trying to throw a pity party here, sorry. Just helps if I talk about it, ya know?