Beginning of May 2017

The sun is shining! It has been raining so much lately! I’m sure if you’re from the Midwest or know someone from here, you’re probably tired of the rain, and even tired of people taking about the rain! But its nice to have sunshine again. Kind of reminds me of the commonly used illustration where someone is in a plane and sees the sun shining above the clouds, reminding them that the sun is always there. Like life, it may seem stormy down here, but God’s still there even when it seems like we can’t see Him.

Seems like I’ve been going through revolving times of storms and sunshine in my life. My boat gets rocked around and overfilled with water, then the sun comes out. When the sun’s out, I repair the boat and let the sun dry up the water. A lot of times I can see the storm in the distance, other times it sneaks up on me. One thing I’ve been challenged with is to keep my anchor down, even in the still times. Jesus is my anchor in life, and I need to keep my foundation in Him and His Word. Even in still times a boat can drift off its place. I have a goal to increase my worship and devotion time. That kind of leads me to…

Made a hard decision recently. I don’t want to put all our business out there, but Mike and I are officially broken up. I truly feel like God’s calling me to singleness. I’ve been so comfortable with his companionship, that is what has made this a hard thing. But I feel like God has something even better in store for both of us. So yeah, there ya go.

I’m learning (always will, right?!?) who I am. Specifically who I am in Christ. I’m set free from sin, not just in eternity, but He gives me the power to live free NOW. Letting that settle in my heart and head, praying that I become more like Him all the time. I don’t want to be overly religious or legalistic, I just want to be like Jesus. Righteous and loving. Faithful and obeying. In the storm and in the sunshine.


Mid February 2017

I totally missed the month of January, didn’t I? Feels like I’m about to miss February too if I’m not careful!

Been an interesting couple months since I wrote last. I turned 38. Which seems odd, I’m pretty sure I was just 28! Not facing 40 already! Had a painting party for my big day, mine is pictured below:

20170129_160125It was a fun time, I love doing things like that, especially with friends! Now I just have to get that hung on the wall!

School’s going OK. I’m a little behind in my current class, but I seem to say that a lot. Getting ready to register for Summer classes tomorrow. Which means I’m in the home stretch for graduating next year! Crazy me, I’m planning on going on to get my Masters soon after that, but one thing at a time!

Mike and I are on a break. I know, bad timing with V-day here, but it is what it is.

Anyway, also been nursing a sick kitty 😦 They both have feline herpes, which apparently is common with shelter pets. They get it in their nose, like humans get cold sores. He sounds more like he has an upper respiratory infection, so I’ll call the vet in a couple of days if it doesn’t clear up with the lysine she gave me for the herpes. Poor baby! They also had bad cases of ear mites recently too. Besides that, they’re completely spoiled and seem very happy 🙂

I feel like all I do is attempt to catch up with life these days. With some advice from my trainer (aka my therapist sometimes!), I’ve started scheduling out my week in order to develop a routine. Took a stab at it last week and it really helped. I just try to give 110% to everything and that doesn’t work! Not that I want to slack off in any area of my life, I just need to find balance and set priorities. Pray for me!

Buried my grandma’s ashes last week. Short and simple Scripture reading and prayer at the grave site, she was cremated back in November and we waited until her birthday to bury her. I know she’s with the Lord, but I still miss her and her wit.

I had a goal to dead-lift 125 lbs by my birthday. A little late, but I crushed that goal last week! 135 lbs – 2 sets of 5 lifts! Go me! I’m also further along in the Couch to 5K program than I’ve ever been! Feeling good! I made a deal with my trainer to not look at the scale for a while, and I’ve stuck to it. I have no idea if I’ve lost any weight, but I need to not focus on that number right now. I was stressing over it big time. I’m choosing to focus on the dead lifting and squatting numbers instead.

Work is still going well. I really like it here and hope to be here a long time. Yeah, I’m making less money, but I’m happy and more fulfilled – that’s what matters.

Speaking of work, my lunch is about over. I’ll talk to you all again soon, I hope!!

September 2016 #2

Met with my trainer yesterday and we did a monthly assessment of my progress. I’m doing well on training and cardio, but not so well with diet/nutrition. So, overhaul in process. I feel stronger, but not dropping weight or inches, so this has to be the missing piece of the puzzle. Even though I’ve been logging calories for 6 1/2 years (!), it’s time to get back to weighing and measuring everything, in order to re calibrate my ‘eyeballing it’. Daunting, but exciting to see where this will take me.

I think I’ve got a handle on the emotional eating issue. Most of my problem is eating out and convenience foods. Going to try more meal prep early in the week and limit eating out to just Sundays after church. Hopefully we’ll see more progress in the numbers at the beginning of October!

Shameless plug… I had a Park Land Jewelry party last Saturday, if you interested in shopping/ordering anything, here’s the link to my party (orders due in Friday morning 9/9/16): click HERE

I haven’t talked about Mike in a while. I don’t know, just seems like I talked about our relationship a bit too much early on. Basically, we’re dating. Nothing serious, and we’re not planning on getting married. I know that’s a huge turn-around from last year, but I really don’t know if I’ll ever get married. We have a few theological issues that we differ on still, issues that neither of us are going to budge on, and that’s OK. We still enjoy each others company, and maybe we should just be friends. I really don’t know the answers. What’s the point of dating if we’re not going to get married, especially at our ages? Companionship for one. But are we holding the other back from anything? Maybe. Pray along with me/us for wisdom. Thanks.

What else… still looking for a job. Just contacted another recruiting agency to see if they have anything. Waiting to hear back from them to set up an interview. There are jobs out there, it’s just hard to find the right one. God has a plan, He always does, but I miss the comfort of my old job though. Change can be good, but isn’t always fun!

A lot going on in my head, but nothing else that I can put into words. So much, but nothing at all, ya know what I mean?

On that note, I best stop writing or I’ll start rambling! Talk to you again soon 🙂

Mid March 2016

Two posts in one month, wow, I haven’t done that in a while, huh?

At the beginning of the month I was getting a MRI and had my first panic attack in one. We only got 15 or so minutes into it and I couldn’t handle it anymore. My doctor prescribed a sedative and we were able to complete the test the following week. I’ve been getting MRI’s for 9 years, and this was a first. But I felt so good and productive for the 24 hours after taking the anti-anxiety sedative that I’m going to talk to my other doctor about prescribing an anti-anxiety med for me. I’ve been having small panic attacks lately. I think partly because I’ve just go too much on my plate and mind. I hope not to have to take it all the time, but especially during finals weeks and stuff.

Finished that English class, but don’t have my grade yet. I’ll be happy with a C considering how poorly I did with the reports, but we’ll see. I start a counseling class on Monday, looking forward to that. Currently on Spring Break, which I’m spending trying to get caught up on other stuff.

Something I had to do this week was take my kitty to the vet. He might have cancer :(. He’s got sores on his front right leg and chest and a mass behind the one in his ‘arm pit’. The vet took blood and we’re scheduled for surgery next Tuesday. This is hard. Fitz will be 10 at the end of this month, so I’ve had him for about 9 1/2 years. I love that little guy, I pray he’s going to be OK.

I’ve raised and saved enough to buy my airfare to Japan! Still need a little more for ground expenses though, but not worried. It’ll come in when I need it, God is faithful. I’m very much looking forward to this trip!

What else… dad’s hanging in there. That’s just a rough situation too.

My parents’ 40th wedding anniversary is coming up in May. Oh, there will be a party! Given the past year and all the health issues, we need to celebrate this.

I’m still loving the Perspectives class. Learning so much about missions – their history, pioneers, and where we stand on fulfilling the Great Commission. I’m praying and thinking about living on the ‘mission field’ someday in the next few years. Probably for 6 months to a year. It’ll have to wait until school is complete (Bachelor’s degree anyway) and I pay off the student loans. I’m leaning towards the French-speaking nations of West Africa, but since it’s so far out there time wise, I’m not making any real plans yet. No, I don’t know what this’ll mean for my job or anything else yet. Like I said, I’m not making any plans, just praying, and dreaming.

I am, in the meantime, going to go through the French Rosetta Stone program. Already bought it, at a good discount too! Hope to start that soon, you know, because I don’t have enough going on!

Work’s been slow, but there’s been a tiny bit of a pick up. We had to ‘down size’ last week and let 4 people go. A little scary, but in my 15 years here, it’s not the first time. It’ll bounce back, soon hopefully.

Something I haven’t talked about in a while is Mike. We’re still dating. I wouldn’t call us ‘boyfriend-girlfriend’ but we’re close. No plans on getting married or anything like I was talking about last year. I enjoy his company and still love him, but I know I’m not ready to get serious anymore. He’s OK with where we are too. Which, I guess sounds vague and this explanation probably is, but it’s working for us.

Anyway, just felt like talking for a while. Hope you all are doing well.


Late January 2016

OK, who stole January? Wasn’t it just the day before Christmas??

Speaking of, my Christmas was good. Kind of low-key this year, but still fun. Good times with family and friends as usual. Mike got me a vacuum, you know, since he’s so into them and wanted to make sure I got a good one. That was sweet of him.  Don’t worry, I actually wanted that for a present 😉

The break from school was nice, but now we’re back at it. Earned a B in my Psych class and now taking English 102. I hate writing papers, but hopefully this will help. I took Eng. 102 at the local community college a little while back, but the credit didn’t transfer. Oh well, it’s certainly an area I need to work on anyway. I learned A LOT at the community college, so I don’t regret that.

I started taking a class called Perspectives also. This class is actually live and isn’t a part of the university program. It is a class that helps one learn about Christian missions. The history and all that of it. I missed a couple of weeks because of a funeral/memorial and another engagement, but looking forward to diving back in this week.

I’m, hopefully, going to Japan in May! I’m going to visit a friend of mine and her family and serve them and their vision however they need me. Will start fund-raising soon, tickets to/from Japan are expensive! God will provide a way though, assuming it’s in His will of course.

I know that in my last post I talked about the depression coming back. Things are better. Just talking about it helps. I’ve had time with family and friends, we’re past the holidays, I’ve spent more time in prayer and quiet time with God, and did some soul-searching. Not saying things are great yet, but on the road to feeling better.

I preached again this past weekend. I gave my testimony and talked about salvation, the baptism of the Holy Spirit, and healing. A bunch of people came up after and got prayer, 2 of which got prayer for healing and said they could tell something was happening!! Also, 1 guy told me after that he prayed for salvation!! Whoo hoo! Go God! If you’d like to listen to my story, you can here.

So, my birthday is tomorrow (Friday)! Mike’s taking me to a  steakhouse that I love for dinner. We had dinner at my parents this past weekend too. Not making a big deal out of it, just another year older.

It’s been an interesting year! Met and fell in love with Mike, broke up, started dating again. My brother got married! Was overcoming a MS flare at the beginning of the year, but it went away. Unfortunately, my mom had a heart attack and dad’s health has gotten worse. It was definitely an up and down year. Learned a lot, count my blessings more. Praying for my family more too. That’s the short version of my 36th year anyway.

Good things coming in my 37th! Growing closer to God and sharing the Gospel message of Christ more, credit card debt will be paid off, house will be sold and closed, going on a mission to Japan, more schooling, weight loss, life in an apartment, more art, some other possible traveling, etc…. I’ll write as often as I can and let you all know how it all goes!


Mid-October 2015 – Single again

It’s not as bad as it sounds. Yes, Mike and I broke up. I am doing amazing well with the decision. Since my goal here is to be as open as possible, I thought I’d tell you all the story.

Yes, we’ve been having theological differences, but that’s actually not what made me finally make the decision. See, my life Scripture before I met Mike was in 1 Corinthians 7 where Paul talks about it being better to be single in order to focus on pleasing God (my paraphrase). In the past 8 months (wow, 8 months!) that Mike and I were together, I pretty much lost focus. Focus on my ministries, my schooling, my house, my (fill in the blank). I was juggling so much, yet dropping balls all the time. Part of me started to yearn for that intimate relationship with God again.

So, with that in mind, I went to a ladies’ retreat this past weekend. And through circumstances and people unfamiliar with my situation, I (believe I) received a word from God and that word was Single. I knew what He meant and thus made the commitment to end it with Mike. I was, and am, at peace with that decision.

Mike and I have talked, texted, emailed through this. We are going to remain friends, or at least give it shot anyway. We might hang out once in a while to catch up, but he understands that I need my space for now. Does this mean he’s not the one for me? Only time and God can tell that. I do know mistakes were made because we fell fast and hard for each other, now we can build on a friendship that glorifies the Lord.

On the theological debate: I feel called to assistant pastoring and preaching, all with the call to missions. He didn’t believe women could hold those roles, preaching and teaching in particular. Last night he surprised me with a revelation that he had via a conversation with a pastor friend of his. That God gives talents to people and there is a Biblical principle of me using those talents to glorify Him. He was trying to keep me from using what talents God had given me. In other words, Mike was essentially saying that if I went out and used my gifting and callings I would be sinning. That it wasn’t possible for God to have called me to those things, even though the passion burns in my heart. As Jeremiah said, my bones were burning to tell of Him. So Mike says he will never again tell me that what I am doing is wrong.

One more person out there telling of the Good New of Jesus, how could that possibly be wrong??

Anyway, this does not change the call I believe God has for me to remain single for a season. How long that season is, I do not know. I do not believe it’s a life-time thing, or least I’m hoping not!! 🙂

Some may think I should close the door and not let him be a part of my life anymore. I love these people and totally appreciate their wisdom. I do not, however, feel this is what I’m supposed to do right now.

I still believe that I am to move forward with selling my house and moving to a new neighborhood. This is a slow process and my credit score has taken a beating. But it really does seems like it’s the right time.

On a side note, but very important note… my dad had a MRI done and the doctor thinks he may have MS. This is very unusual to be diagnosed later in life. We’re trying to get him into a neurologist to get more answers. I’m planning on making time this weekend to talk with my dad and discuss it all. Some say this doesn’t run in the family, but I’m starting to think ‘they’ are wrong.

I’m in the last week of Church History. I have a final due on Friday. 1,500 years of Christianity in a 2 1/2 hour test. Got grant me wisdom! Then I get a week off (Thank you Lord!!) and start a Psychology class on the 26th.

Let’s see, next month I’m going to Kansas to go through a Disaster Relief Chaplain program. It’ll allow me the opportunity to be on the ground if a tragedy strikes and ministry is needed. This should open more missions possibilities for me too.

So, all in all, things are good. 🙂

Oh! And I’ve been invited to preach at a Congolese church on November 1st! I’m so nervous!! And excited!

Late September 2015

Sorry I haven’t been keeping up with this much lately. Life’s been pretty chaotic lately.

Chaotic, but difficult to say why exactly. I just seem to be constantly doing something or over-thinking something. If not one of those, I’m studying.

Did a 5k this past weekend. Probably my worst timing, but I finished. I’m still sore today. After the 5k and a nap, we went to a street festival in South St. Louis. Yes, more walking. I think I did a total of 5 miles that day. No wonder I’m sore!

Class is a little difficult this intensive. I’m taking my first upper level class and there’s a lot of writing involved. Had to do two 5-page papers already One more to go. The class is Church History. Next up is a Psychology course. And I already registered for the Spring semester, taking another counseling class and global studies. Slowly making my way through.

On top of the university classes this Spring, I’m taking a Perspectives class. It’s something I’ve been wanting to do for a while but it hasn’t been offered near my home. The class is from Jan – April, every Saturday morning, and it covers world missions, basically. It’s something all missionaries should go through and it’s on my list of to-do’s before going into missions more full-time.

I’m also taking a 2-day course on disaster relief ministry. That should open some doors in my future. That’s not until November though.

Mike and I are doing OK. We’ve called off the idea of possibly getting married next Fall however (we were never officially engaged, just to be clear). While I don’t feel it’s cool to spill our issues here, let’s just say we’re having theological differences and we think we need more time as just boyfriend and girlfriend before we take it to the next level. We might get married someday, but we’re not worrying about that now.

Well, just wanted to check in. My homework is actually done, I think I might go read a book for fun! 🙂