It’s not as bad as it sounds. Yes, Mike and I broke up. I am doing amazing well with the decision. Since my goal here is to be as open as possible, I thought I’d tell you all the story.
Yes, we’ve been having theological differences, but that’s actually not what made me finally make the decision. See, my life Scripture before I met Mike was in 1 Corinthians 7 where Paul talks about it being better to be single in order to focus on pleasing God (my paraphrase). In the past 8 months (wow, 8 months!) that Mike and I were together, I pretty much lost focus. Focus on my ministries, my schooling, my house, my (fill in the blank). I was juggling so much, yet dropping balls all the time. Part of me started to yearn for that intimate relationship with God again.
So, with that in mind, I went to a ladies’ retreat this past weekend. And through circumstances and people unfamiliar with my situation, I (believe I) received a word from God and that word was Single. I knew what He meant and thus made the commitment to end it with Mike. I was, and am, at peace with that decision.
Mike and I have talked, texted, emailed through this. We are going to remain friends, or at least give it shot anyway. We might hang out once in a while to catch up, but he understands that I need my space for now. Does this mean he’s not the one for me? Only time and God can tell that. I do know mistakes were made because we fell fast and hard for each other, now we can build on a friendship that glorifies the Lord.
On the theological debate: I feel called to assistant pastoring and preaching, all with the call to missions. He didn’t believe women could hold those roles, preaching and teaching in particular. Last night he surprised me with a revelation that he had via a conversation with a pastor friend of his. That God gives talents to people and there is a Biblical principle of me using those talents to glorify Him. He was trying to keep me from using what talents God had given me. In other words, Mike was essentially saying that if I went out and used my gifting and callings I would be sinning. That it wasn’t possible for God to have called me to those things, even though the passion burns in my heart. As Jeremiah said, my bones were burning to tell of Him. So Mike says he will never again tell me that what I am doing is wrong.
One more person out there telling of the Good New of Jesus, how could that possibly be wrong??
Anyway, this does not change the call I believe God has for me to remain single for a season. How long that season is, I do not know. I do not believe it’s a life-time thing, or least I’m hoping not!! 🙂
Some may think I should close the door and not let him be a part of my life anymore. I love these people and totally appreciate their wisdom. I do not, however, feel this is what I’m supposed to do right now.
I still believe that I am to move forward with selling my house and moving to a new neighborhood. This is a slow process and my credit score has taken a beating. But it really does seems like it’s the right time.
On a side note, but very important note… my dad had a MRI done and the doctor thinks he may have MS. This is very unusual to be diagnosed later in life. We’re trying to get him into a neurologist to get more answers. I’m planning on making time this weekend to talk with my dad and discuss it all. Some say this doesn’t run in the family, but I’m starting to think ‘they’ are wrong.
I’m in the last week of Church History. I have a final due on Friday. 1,500 years of Christianity in a 2 1/2 hour test. Got grant me wisdom! Then I get a week off (Thank you Lord!!) and start a Psychology class on the 26th.
Let’s see, next month I’m going to Kansas to go through a Disaster Relief Chaplain program. It’ll allow me the opportunity to be on the ground if a tragedy strikes and ministry is needed. This should open more missions possibilities for me too.
So, all in all, things are good. 🙂
Oh! And I’ve been invited to preach at a Congolese church on November 1st! I’m so nervous!! And excited!